My parents had a trip to New York planned for at least six months but I did not actually think about it until about two days before. I had already had a busy summer, and this trip slipped my mind. I regret forgetting about it, though, because I had arranged with my parents to go to Six Flags Great Adventure on the final day of the trip.

So why is Coney Island tagged onto this? Well, we arrived in our Staten Island hotel around 4 pm and had some time to kill. I casually brought up going to Coney Island, and my parents immediately caught on to what I was talking about and reluctantly agreed to take me. This trip ended up being more expensive than expected, because it costs 12$ to cross the Verrazano-Narrows (Yet the Staten Island Ferry is free). However, I managed a ride on Cyclone, and the Scream Zone coasters.
First, to untangle the web that is land ownership on Coney, which is notably not actually an island to itself. After Astroland closed in 2008, a travelling carnival set up for 2009 while New York tried to organize contracts and leases and the like. The current set-up goes like this: The most northeast, closest-to-the-aquarium attraction is the Cyclone roller coaster.



Rcdb still classifies this under Astroland as it is owned by the same family as the original park. Moving southeast we hit Luna Park, which is owned by Zamperla. They also own Scream Zone further down the boardwalk, and the wristbands work for both, as well as Cyclone, so that is the best option for repeated Cyclone rerides. They are separated by Deno’s Wonderwheel Park, which is the eponymous Wonder Wheel and some other generic rides. The Scream Zone/Luna Park wristband does not work here. Further towards the baseball stadium is the lot where Thunderbolt once stood, and finally the old Parachute Drop, which somebody should reopen because it looks sweet and would probably get plenty of patrons. Kickstarter, anyone?



Now that the geography has been established, let’s cut to the chase: Coney Island suuuuucks. It combines the worst of the old parks of the 1920s (No attempt to theme anything, dirty, concrete plazas with ride plopped down without care) with the worst of carnivals (Bad staff, cheap, compact and often portable rides, steep prices) to several really awful parks. The staff was beyond awful. On Soarin’ Eagle, there were multiple safety issues where I walked between cars as they were entering the station, and then was asked to get off the car before “it had come to a complete stop” as decent amusement parks like to say. The Steeplechase employee was rude to the guests, and the guys in the ticket booth were having a profanity-laden conversation while I was waiting to be served for about a minute. If this is what amusement parks were like in the 20s, I can see why Walt Disney emphasized employee courtesy in his vision for Disneyland.



I wonder why Zamperla even went for these contracts. A park operated by a rides company can work, I mean, Mack operates the by all accounts wonderful Europa Park. But Mack stocked that park with their best rides and put effort into making the park presentable to guests and investors alike. If I was a person looking to purchase a ride from Zamperla, and then saw this park and its crappy ride offering, I would start wondering about Gerstlauer’s options.
Now onto the rides. Due to stiff ticket prices, I only rode three rides, all coasters: Steeplechase, Soarin’ Eagle, and, of course, Cyclone. I rode Cyclone first, but I’ll review it last because it is the only one that can actually be called “decent”.



Soarin’ Eagle is a Zamperla flyer, and that immediately raised a red flag considering that they are probably the 00’s version of Togo’s stand-up coasters. But as with my experience on Shockwave, I was pleasantly surprised. I mean, it’s still dull and has an uncomfortable harness, but it was smooth enough, and the lift and rolls were pretty neat. I’d like to see that lift mechanism on other, better rides.



Steeplechase is a Zamperla motorbike ride themed to horses. It features a launch at the beginning, a rise to about forty feet, and then literally nothing else. It does some meandering figure eights, almost thinks about beginning to build momentum, and then ends. I have to wonder about the seating, however. The ride op and ride signs state to sit upright, but the restraint pushes you forward and the front of the seat is sculpted for you to lean forward. It’s almost feels that if you sat upright the launch would break your spine. It makes no sense to me.



And, of course, there is the famous, mystical, and ever-copied Cyclone. I took a seat with my dad in the fourth row of the first car (Man, four row cars) to discover that, holy crap are they padded. My sofa isn’t as soft as those seats were. In the station there appeared to be a lot of really cool mechanics as to how coasters were constructed in the 20’s, but sadly I was only in there for about 20 seconds total before being sent out onto the Cyclone.



Does it live up to expectation? Well, no. It’s just kind of a rough, slow woody that packs a lot of track into its lot but not many thrills. It has its moments, such as getting off the first turnaround, but is mostly just bumpy meandering. I can tell that it was a daring ride in its day, as many of the drops are quite steep (though airless),and it still takes more risks that RCCA does now, but the ride just doesn’t hold up well compared to more modern thrills. Also, it nearly broke my dad’s rib. Did I mention that it is very rough?



So that’s Coney Island, a lousy collection of parks that exists as a vessel for Cyclone and pocket emptying. New York, in ten years when Zamperla’s lease expires, please kick them out and ask Holiday World is they’d like to open a new park on the property. That would be amazing.